For the first piece in our Share Your Story series, we are grateful for the opportunity to introduce Annabelle Rose, whose parents, Will and Jess, have just welcomed their third baby.

We feel deeply privileged to help this family remember sweet Annabelle, who was born on September 28, 2020. For 78 days, this beautiful baby touched the lives of everyone around her before moving on far too soon.

When we invited Will and Jess to share Annabelle’s story, we were moved by how generously they opened their hearts. It reminded us once again just how powerful a physical keepsake can be in embodying love, processing grief, and holding memories close.

Now, we are thankful to share this piece of their journey here, in their own words, in the hopes that it will inspire and comfort others just as deeply.

Photo of Annabelle Rose. Born September 28, 2020.

Jess and Will’s Story

Annabelle was our first daughter. Every week after my anatomy scan, we were told about some new concern or complication, but that even with no diagnosis, everything would turn out fine.

At 37 weeks, I delivered Annabelle at 2 lbs 11 oz, and more hair than anyone had ever seen in a newborn baby. She went straight to the NICU, where a very tumultuous journey started. There were so many tubes, lines, and machines hooked up to our tiny little one, and we prayed feverishly, not knowing if she would make it.

I started to pump. From my room, trying to recover from my C-section, not yet being able to see and visit my baby, I pumped.

Once we were able to see her, it was only for two hours a day. Two hours we spent sitting beside our daughter, unable to hold her, only touch her through a hole in a plastic box. And still with no diagnosis.

I pumped.

After two weeks and with the help of two nurses, we finally got to hold our daughter for the first time. Her genetic screen came back inconclusive.

One month after she was born and with the blessing of an extremely knowledgeable neonatologist, we finally got an answer. Our daughter had a mosaic version of triploidy. A condition rare enough that no one had thought to screen for it.

Two hour visits turned to four, but our little one stayed in that NICU, and I pumped. We visited every day. Held her. Sang to her. Played with her. We video called family and friends so they could meet her. Her hair got crazier and curlier as we and the nursing staff adorned it with bows.

Our little girl needed so much care, and she was so feisty, but after 78 days it was not enough anymore, and Annabelle left to be with God.

For 78 days, the only thing I could do for my baby was pump. We never got to bring our first baby home. She did not get to meet all of our family and friends that were so excited.

Having this piece of jewelry made with her breast milk and one of those curls that we adored is a way we can bring her with us. As our life goes on all these years later, and we celebrate milestones with her siblings that we will never get with her, Annabelle can be with us in a small concrete way.

Reflections

After hearing Annabelle’s story, it feels impossible not to be moved by the heartbreak of Jess and Will’s loss. Yet amidst the grief of losing her, there remains the joy of having known her, of having “introduced” her, if only virtually, to family and friends, and of now raising her siblings in a home filled with love.

The path of motherhood is different for everyone, and certainly Jess could never have predicted the direction that her and her daughter’s journey would take. Because Annabelle spent all 78 days of her life in the NICU, and because she needed such specialized care, one of the only things that Jess could do to support her during that time was pump. And so she did.

“She pumped before being able to visit her daughter for the first time in the NICU.”

She pumped when she could not yet hold her, only reach her hands carefully into the plastic box where she lay. She pumped once she was finally able to cradle her, snuggle with her, and put bows in her gorgeously untamed curls.

“She pumped once she was finally able to cradle her, snuggle with her, and put bows in her gorgeously untamed curls.”

And she pumped after she and Will learned about the condition that was keeping them from bringing Annabelle home.

During the days and weeks that the two of them had with Annabelle, Jess and Will did everything they could to cherish each moment, and to care for her in all the ways they could, within the unexpected limitations by which they were bound. Their continued strength and devotion are a testament to the immeasurable love that they will always feel for their first daughter.

Though Annabelle’s time with her family was unthinkably short, nothing can ever take away the bond that was forged.

“Nothing can ever take away the bond that was forged.”

It is a bond that they can now physically carry with them, in a piece of jewelry that was created from the very breast milk that Jess pumped for her, and that contains one of the wild, beautiful curls that she and Will will treasure forever.